The Mummy (2017)

Now I will be reviewing 2017's The Mummy.  This stars Tom Cruise (inventor of the Hoveround), Annabelle or Annabeth Wallis, Russell Crow: City of Angels, and Sophia Botellkfoifhka;a.  This is a reboot of the 1999 movie The Mummy, which was a remake of the 1959 movie the Mummy which was inspired by every day in ancient Egypt. Here, we find a couple of army boy's in one the dusty countries, when they blow things up with jokes and find the titular Mummy's tomb.  After that they decide the best thing to do is upset the grave-sight so they bring it with them on a plane.  They also bring along a pretty girl who I guess is an expert on having sex with Tomb Cruise. A lot of bugs and wind and scary things happen.

So, should I see it? Or put this Mummy back in it's tomb?

This is a "see it" for me.  Tom Cruise is passionate about two things 1) ridding the world of suppressive people 2) MAKING QUALITY MOVIES IN WHICH HE IS AN ALPHA MALE WITH ALMOST NO FLAWS.  This definitely fits into those categories.  It's hard not to fall in love with a movie like this, just as all of the female characters do with him.  The movie even begins with a 10 minute voice-over montage giving the audience a long-winded back story.  I for one am sick of films having "scenes" with "dialouge".  There's also another character named Dr. Jekyll, but this one is confusing because it feels like he literally becomes another person.  So it was probably just another guy.  I guess you can call me a... Mummy's Boy.

Clown (2014)

Now I will be reviewing 2014's Clown as if I haven't taken two years off.  This is produced by Eli Roth, the self-proclaimed master of horror, and I couldn't agree more with that statement, he definitely produced this.  The movie is about a child who's birthday party is almost ruined when the hired clown cancels because this can't be how he envisioned his life, right?  So the dad finds a clown suit right in front of him as this happens and puts it on for the party.  He soon learns being a clown isn't everything it's "cracked" up to be.  The suit is actually a demon's skin, so you can see how that would get silly.

So, "Should I see it"? Or not clown around with this one.

I say "See It".  I'm really amazed it took us until 2014 to realize clowns can be scary too, but this movie really pulls it off.  At one point his stomach is constantly making a weird noise, it kind of sounded like a taught rope, or when you slide into a leather chair and everyone in the room thinks you farted.  But I guess he was just hungry - hungry for kids!  Haha, you can't eat kids. Also, his wife is pregnant.  Clown- you a clown jewel.

-KK-

Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Summer is in full swing, so now I will be reviewing a summer movie.  1985's "Mad Mel: Beyond Thunderdome" is the movie I'm talking about, starring Max Gibson.  This is the third installment of a terrific franchise that just put out a fourth one: "Mad Max: Even Further Away from Thunderdome". Here, Max has to fight in Thunderdome after walking around in the dirt for a while.  But then he gets banished after winning, but not really "winning".  Then he is brought in by a young boy, or girl, I'm not really sure.  But I am sure I was attracted to it.   Then he becomes the leader of a bunch of kids and the family-fun begins.

So, Should I See It? Or, go so far past thunderdome... I don't see it.

I say "see it", it was a nice way to conclude the series for 30 years.  It also stars Tina Turner, now I'm a fan of hers, just not her music, so I really liked the parts she was in.  This movie has top-notch action you'd expect from acclaimed director, George "The Cat" Miller.  Though he didn't direct the entire movie, just the action scenes.  If you haven't seen this summer blockbuster yet, then, as Tina Turner's hit says, "Get Up On It!".  Mad Max... you make me Happy Movie-goer.

-KK-

Now I will be reviewing 2014's “Dumb and Dumber To".  This is a sequel to 2003's “Dumb and Dumber: When Harry Met Lloyd". This one teams Jim Carrey and Jeff Bridges in the title roles.  The duo must set out on a cross country journey to the middle of America in order to find one of their children to get organs and have sex with.  Depending on which character you are, that is.  Have sex with the kid, not the organs, sicko.

So, Should I See It? Or give it Dumb and Dumber To swift kicks in the bum on the way out of the door?

This one is going in the “See It" category.  Even though Jim Carrey and Jack Daniels don't quite have the same grasp on the characters as the last two guys, they certainly bring enough smirks to your face.  It was really nice of directing duo Matt and Chris Farley to not fill the movie with a lot of gut-busting laughs, this would have been painful after a while. So gently smirking once in a while is much easier on the viewer's face.  If you like gross-out humor (and the occasional nodding off) then you are in for a real treat.  Spoiler alert: the thing in the movie is actually cupcakes!   Dumb and Dumber To: two much hilarity.

-KK-

Superb bowl

Now I will be reviewing the 2015 super bowl.  Before I do, I must apologize for not posting a review in a while. I have two reasons: one, I forgot I was doing this one day, and two, I come up with the right words in the shower.  So this year's big game was between the defending champions the Seattle Seahawks, and the perennial powerhouse patriots (a.k.a. the triple P).  This game decides the world champion for a game only played in America. This is because the rest of the world thinks it's called soccer. All this time, Americans have secretly been getting really good at it, just waiting to pounce.

So, Should I See It? Or give this game the old kick with a foot? Ball

This was a very exciting game, so it is a must “See It".  Unlike last year where one team decided to play really poorly, both teams played at a high level.  With his team down by ten points in the fourth, Tom Brady took his Brady Bunch Boys (a.k.a. the triple B) down the field to score twice against the best team ever. But it wasn't over! Now seat ladle had the ball and marched down the field too! They were one step away from winning and had the best guy who picks up steps on their team. His nickname is breastmode.  Instead, the quarter pounder threw the ball. But here's the thing, an unknown player named Buttler, came in and caught the ball for the other team! No one ever saw him before and that's why he was able to sneak in.  Breastmode and the rest of the boys will really have to wonder for ever now.  Super bowel- you can play for me any day.

KK

State of the Union

Now for a change, I will review t.v..  After flipping through the channels I came across, Barack Obama's State of the Union. It's a show with a lot of dialogue.  It's starts with people talking about the upcoming episode, predicting what the plots twists will be.  Then Barracks comes out to a standing ovation where he reads a fable he's written to the audience who's all sitting Indian-style on the carpet. 

So, Should I See It, or stay away from this union?

Even though there wasn't a lot of action in the story, I will go with, “See It".  The State of the Onion story itself was pretty good but the best part was the crowd.  There were two guys sitting behind Barracks who were having a contest to see who could clap the most.  The guy on the right had white hair and white skin, he played for the white team.  The guy on the left was dipped in orange paint, he played for the orange team.  It really wasn't a close contest though, the white team won handily. The orange team had a frown all the time because he realized how bad he was losing.  After the fable was over they had a recap show like you would see after The Walking Dead. They took calls from the audience and one women got to Skype in and talk for a while telling everyone how she would have ended the story.  State of the Union- I can't what until next week's episode.

-KK-

Inherent Vice

Now I will be reviewing 2014's Inherent Vice.  It's the latest from writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson, who's previous works include Booger Knights and Steel Magnolias.  This one stars Wakeem Phoenix as Doc. He's not really a doctor, that's just his nickname.  Though he might be.  An old flame, who's young, comes back into his life to tell him about an intricate kidnapping plan on her old paramour.  Doc is a Private Eyeball and decides to go investigate this because he may still have feelings for each other when they have sex later.  A lot of characters come and go and things happen at a real pace of a movie. 

So, Should I See It, or investigate whether you should, or shouldn't see it.

After much deliberation I say, "See It".  I really like some of Anderson's previous works and really wanted to like this one.  As an audience member I zoned out a couple times which you really can't do because every line of silly dialogue is necessary.  People make a lot of funny faces in the movie too.  So if you do space out, don't worry, someone will come into frame soon enough and be like, "What's going on?!".  Haha, it's great.  The whole thing takes place in the mythic 1970's, a time when if you wanted a mobile phone you had to be a time traveler.  Some people had facial hair.  They were usually the ones making the faces.  Inherent Vice, more Inherent Nice Nice Baby.