State of the Union

Now for a change, I will review t.v..  After flipping through the channels I came across, Barack Obama's State of the Union. It's a show with a lot of dialogue.  It's starts with people talking about the upcoming episode, predicting what the plots twists will be.  Then Barracks comes out to a standing ovation where he reads a fable he's written to the audience who's all sitting Indian-style on the carpet. 

So, Should I See It, or stay away from this union?

Even though there wasn't a lot of action in the story, I will go with, “See It".  The State of the Onion story itself was pretty good but the best part was the crowd.  There were two guys sitting behind Barracks who were having a contest to see who could clap the most.  The guy on the right had white hair and white skin, he played for the white team.  The guy on the left was dipped in orange paint, he played for the orange team.  It really wasn't a close contest though, the white team won handily. The orange team had a frown all the time because he realized how bad he was losing.  After the fable was over they had a recap show like you would see after The Walking Dead. They took calls from the audience and one women got to Skype in and talk for a while telling everyone how she would have ended the story.  State of the Union- I can't what until next week's episode.

-KK-

Inherent Vice

Now I will be reviewing 2014's Inherent Vice.  It's the latest from writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson, who's previous works include Booger Knights and Steel Magnolias.  This one stars Wakeem Phoenix as Doc. He's not really a doctor, that's just his nickname.  Though he might be.  An old flame, who's young, comes back into his life to tell him about an intricate kidnapping plan on her old paramour.  Doc is a Private Eyeball and decides to go investigate this because he may still have feelings for each other when they have sex later.  A lot of characters come and go and things happen at a real pace of a movie. 

So, Should I See It, or investigate whether you should, or shouldn't see it.

After much deliberation I say, "See It".  I really like some of Anderson's previous works and really wanted to like this one.  As an audience member I zoned out a couple times which you really can't do because every line of silly dialogue is necessary.  People make a lot of funny faces in the movie too.  So if you do space out, don't worry, someone will come into frame soon enough and be like, "What's going on?!".  Haha, it's great.  The whole thing takes place in the mythic 1970's, a time when if you wanted a mobile phone you had to be a time traveler.  Some people had facial hair.  They were usually the ones making the faces.  Inherent Vice, more Inherent Nice Nice Baby.

The Equalizer

Now I will be reviewing 2014's "The Equalizer starring Denzel Washington (editor's note: I was once asked to come up with a porno name on the spot, I came up with 'Dongzel Fucksaton').  The movie centers around Denzel as Bob, a man.  Currently he's living a rather boring life working at a home improvement store.  But soon learn he cannot sleep at night so he goes to an all night diner.  He befriends a hooker and realizes he should be fighting people more often.

So, Should I See It, or shoot this one in the head with a gun?

I'm going to have to say "See It".  Bob is really creative with the ways in which he goes about his business.  At one point he boils honey to disinfect a wound he sustained.  It's a natural antisemitic, so this scene really illustrates is craftiness.  Bob has quite the past, but we never learn it exactly.  Probably saving it for the sequel.  This piece is a part of the "Alvin and the Chipmunks Cinematic Universe" so they are calling the next one "The Sqealalizer".  I also enjoyed how Bob never met a foe that was his equal, meaning every fight he won, and won handily.  This allows the audience to rest their emotions and make relaxed faces.  The Equalizer = a great time!

-KK-

Robocop

Now I will be reviewing 1987's classic "Robocop".  Affectionately  known by the Chinese knock-off toy market as, "Robertcop", the story centers around a slain Detroit cop. After a successful run on Family Ties, Alex P. Murphy has just been transferred to old Detroit because the police keep dying on the job.  Little does anyone know, but Murphy has a very special brain.  After he is shot in head, body, arms, legs, neck, coccyx, chest, thigh, hand, knees, other hand, deltoids, elbows, abdomen, shoulder blades, Xiphoid Process, wee wee, and scrapes his knees, he is brought back to life through the miracle of 1980's technology.  His past slowly begins to come back to him and has to scream a lot to deal with.

So, Should I See It, or roGOcop as far as I can?

This film holds a very special place in my heart, so it's a "See It".  I saw this incredibly violent film at a very young age and it traumatized me a little bit. To this day I have weird dreams with Robocop in them and they're very terrifying.  One time I was Robocop learning how to use my new-found abilities.  So the dream consisted of dying, painful surgeries, and sitting in a classroom.  Just when I started doing cool things I woke up.  But people were cheering for me so that's good.  Robocop balances political sad tire with a social commentary on economic stature.  All while shit gets fucked up.  Also everything in movie costs a dollar I guess.  There's also a part where a guy starts melting because he was exposed to toxic waste.  It's pretty gross and I would not recommend a 7 year old watching it.  It will lead to years of bad dreams.  But if you're not 7 watch this all the time.  Robocop, dead or alive, I'm coming with you.

-KK-

Night of The Demons 2

Now I will be reviewing 1994's "Night of the Demons 2".  This takes place after Night of the Demons 1, but before the, as of now unmade, Night of the Demons 3-5.  It is line produced by Bill Berry and stars Christine Taylor right off her "Hey Dude" fame.  The story centers around a group of kids living at a church boarding school of some kind.  There are some nerdy teens who are trying to tell everyone about demons and such, but as in real life, the audience only pays attention to the attractive people.  Eventually some lipstick turns into a snake thing, and that goes around possessing people.  A nun tries to fight it with a ruler even.  When she leaves the kids put on some Rock 'n Roll music which doesn't help things at all.

So, Should I See It, or perform the last rights on this movie?

I had a fun time so I'm putting it in the "See It" category.  Once we finally get to stop looking at the ugly people and can focus on the good-looking ones, the viewer instantly becomes immersed.  At one point they realize holy water can kill the demons, so they fill up water-guns and go to town.  I really enjoyed this part of the story because when I was a kid I'd get into water-gun fights all the time.  My set-up was a double-barreled super soaker as my primary weapon, with two hand water-guns on a belt with extra clips in an emergency.  I also had a giant canon strapped to my back for when shit got real.  While the water-gun fights weren't completely accurate, you have so much fun remembering how great I was a water-gun fights you stop paying attention to the movie.  It did deliver on it's promise to have demons and take place at night, but Night of the Water-guns had that extra kick that makes it one of the best ever.  They also used water balloons but I always thought those were cheap.  Night of the Demons- any night of the week, twice on Sunday.

-KK-